Well That Was Painless

(it was beautiful, if only for a second)

Thursday at The Masters came and went and man what a let down. I was on record as saying that Tiger would either win or miss the cut completely, no T-35th this week, and it looks like now it's win or bust for me. But the story really isn't the effortless 68 that included two eagles and is his first sub 70 round ever at Augusta on a Thursday. It isn't about how Tom Watson could even think about contending in a major where the players aren't afforded the luxary of a cart. 008 Fred Couples? No no, a story for a different day.

The story here is, what, if anything, just happened? How could everything have been so normal?

I had to pinch myself a few times while watching yesterday just to make sure everything was straight. I mean, Tiger tee'd off; made a couple eagles, a couple sour faces, there were a couple tips of the hat. There were cheers and big crowds; a tee shot right of right, and a 50 yard sweeping hook out of the trees that only the Dodger could have showed him. I was almost certain that after the missed four footer on 18 Mr. Scotty Cameron would have to whip up something new like ASAP, and even that is relatively routine. Afterwards he went to speak with Mike Tirico where over the course of 2 and a half minutes he said absolutely 0 of substance, and sounded great saying it. Even when Tirico asked what was different, Tiger replied, "nothing, felt the same." You're joking?

I don't know but like, where was the drunk girl streaking the fairway with the marry me Tiger sign? I wanted to see Stevie Williams shattering cameras and yelling at people to shut up. What about the little kids with signs over their heads that read, "Tiger you ruined my life," while their parents screamed, "who is my kid supposed to look up to now," and sobbed uncontrollably? I was at the very least hoping for a look at the Moral High Ground Club tent sponsored by Accenture. My only reward was some two bit pilot with a stupid sign flying 7,000 feet above the crowd, 50% of which are too old to see, on a partly cloudy day.

If Tiger wins everyone will remark how this whole ordeal has liberated him and blah blah no chance. Eldrick was still winning tournaments while skippin' around on Elin with the frequency of a cheap hand radio. If he doesn't win it won't matter; he's been away for a while and has some leverge with the rust card. On top of that, his opening round was monumental in silencing the question of the level of his game and overall state of mind. In one round, and a couple of practice rounds, the cheers and encouragement have silenced the jeers and banter in a way that is sure to bring a smile to the face of Hester Prynne. Tiger played golf, Tiger played golf well, lots of people cheered. Again, too normal.

Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are on the first page of the leaderboard at a major. Check. A couple of stellar opening rounds from old guys have made outsiders question if golf really is a sport again. Check. And here I was the whole time hoping I would have something good to write about. Eldrick Tiger, you made a fool of me.